My Little Blue Guy

I was watching television one night and I saw something that caught my eye. I saw an advertisement for the smallest computer ever. I saw an advertisement for a netbook. My mind went racing as to the possibilities of having a netbook would mean for someone like me that uses a computer pretty much all the time. I write children's stories and have five websites that I own. I also write a daily blog entry as well as try to write a few new stories per week.

Oh, how I wanted a netbook so bad. Then, a few weeks went by and I was chatting with my daughter and she mentioned that she was wanting to get a new laptop. I sent her a link to a website that sold netbooks. She was hooked. Within one week she had her own little netbook. Oh, I was so jealous. I couldn't help it. I wanted a netbook so bad nobody knew just how badly I wanted one. Nobody understood the desperate need I had for one.

Each day, my daughter would chat to me about her netbook. I was so happy for her because it seemed to me that she was enjoying her netbook very much. She even named her netbook "My Little Guy". Oh I loved the sound of that and I loved the idea of the netbook. I wanted one so badly.

Each day I would search out the internet for netbooks. I found the one that I wanted and even set it up on a popular computer store website to add to my wish list. Then I thought about the wishlist. What good is a wishlist if you know you can't afford to get one? Who is going to see my wishlist? In actual fact, nobody is going to see my wishlist. Nobody cares that I have a wishlist. Nobody cares what is on my wishlist. I felt really kind of depressed after making my wishlist. I got so depressed as a matter of fact, I thought about deleting my wishlist. However, for some reason I just couldn't bring myself to deleting it. So there in cyberspace, somewhere, my wishlist sits waiting for some kind of magic to happen in order to fulfill it.

Well reality kicked in and I knew deep down I would never be able to afford a netbook, not at this time in my life. I am out of work due to severe back pain and can hardly walk. My income right now is just above half what I was earning when I could work. We live pay cheque to pay cheque right now, not being able to save much money. We have bills and other obligations like rent and food. I mean we have to have a place to live and we have to eat. Over the month of March, we were able to keep one cheque ahead of the game. Don't ask me how we did it but we did. I was still very reluctant to spend that money right now though on a netbook. Everyone would see the netbook as a luxury item, not like me who sees it as a necessity.

One of the main reasons I just couldn't part with the extra money we had right now is that there was a chance that I would be denied disability payments and end up with no income at all until I was able to get back to work. That one cheque that we were able to stay ahead of the game with would bide us just a bit more time for me to get better, so there was no way I could ask my husband to put out the money on a netbook.

I still didn't stop dreaming about owning one though. I wanted one so bad. The one that I had picked out and put on my wishlist was a little blue guy. I laughed and joked with my daughter about how we would both have little guys if I only I could just get one. She told me that I couldn't call my netbook a little guy because she already took that name and it was hers. I told her okay, when I get my netbook, I would call it my little blue guy. With an "LOL" she accepted the name for my netbook. Now, all I had to do was go and get it.

I did have one possibility of getting my netbook. I had some advertisiments on my websites that were due to be paid and it worked out to be just enough money to get my netbook. However, of course, just my luck, the economy decided that it was going to crash. I gave up on the idea of my advertisers renewing their ads this year because of the economy. That notion of collecting that money went right out my head.

I thought for sure I would never be able to get my netbook. I thought for sure I would never be able to afford it. However, that was until I checked my bank account at midnight, the night before last. I noticed that my income tax refund  money had come in. I was so happy. I also noticed that my insurance money from work had come in and I was told that day that I was approved for another month of payments at least while I was trying to get better.

Yesterday morning I woke up and spoke to my husband about my little blue guy. I told him how badly I wanted one and how badly I was so jealous of my daughter, who had her little guy. I explained to him about all the things that I would be able to do with my little blue guy. Because I have gone through so much pain these past few months because of severe back pain that I am having, he agreed that I could go buy my new little blue guy.

I was so excited I couldn't wait for the store to open and then I also had feelings of guilt too though. I told my husband that he could take the other half of our income tax money and use it to fix up our camper and truck and do a few things that he wanted to do with it. He said to me that I don't have to feel guilty about buying the new little blue guy but that doesn't take away the fact that I do feel guilty. I feel guilty because I guess it was something I wanted so bad and I hate that feeling when you want something so bad that you can't stand it and then you get the feeling of guilt when you are allowed to have it.

I purchased my little blue guy and it was actually $30 cheaper than I thought it was so that was a bonus and made me feel $30 less guilty about buying it. Even though I feel guilty about buying it, I am really happy that I was able to get it. I love my little blue guy to death. I can be so much more productive now and I'm not tied down to my desktop computer. I can sit in my chair with my blanket and heating pad on and be more comfortable and type stories and use the internet. This story that you are reading right now is the second story I have written on my little blue guy since yesterday when I got it. I already have all the programs installed on it that I will use and I have my music on it that I like to listen to.

So, I am typing this story right now on my netbook, listening to my favourite music, sitting in my favourite most comfortable chair with my favourite most comfortable blanket on me and I also have my teeny baby kitten, Arrow sleeping right across my arm while I am typing this. Life just couldn't get any better than this, guilt or no guilt.